The GTS Apple Watch Series 4 review

*BZZZZZZ*

That’s the buzzer.

It’s here. My new Apple Watch. Steel. 44mm. £749.

Disgusting amount of money. Embarassing actually. Grotesque.

A homeless guy has moved in to the bus stop opposite my flat. It’s rare in London. For a homeless guy to live in one place. But he’s been there two weeks now in the bus stop.

It’s fine. I give him money most days. A fiver.

Then why even mention it?

You deserve this. You love your Series 2 Apple Watch. It really is personal. Like Jonny Ive said.

I stopped wearing it once. For about 3 weeks. Felt good. One less connection. One less thing. But I missed it. I missed looking at the time. I missed checking the temperature. And seeing my heart rate.

That’s how I use it. Utility watch face. Don’t care about the apps. Don’t care about reading notifications on it. That’s all dumb. Labourious. But glancing down and seeing this:

Apple Watch Series 2; Utility watch face

Almost perfect.

The reviews of the Series 4 are great. Unanimous. And that new watch face. Infograph. I‘m excited to customise it. See the new temperature complication also displaying the high and low? I’m into it.

I can hear the homeless guy outside shouting. He does that sometimes. Shouts. And sometimes throws his food.

The packaging is beautiful. Even opening the brown cardboard protecting the packaging is exciting. Pulling the tear. Then unfold.

The Series 4 Apple Watch sits strapless in a felt pouch. Ridiculous.

I take it out.

Its thinness strikes me. And its roundness.

I slip it into the straps and wrap them around my wrist. It looks bigger than the 42mm but feels smaller at the same time.

My worn and loved Series 2 looks so… angular now.

My wrist lights up like a bloody christmas tree when I first see the Inforgraph watch face.

I turn off a couple of the corner complications and one of the sundials.

I set the heart rate complication to one of the corners. But it just displays the icon and not my heart rate.

So I set it to a sundial.

The same. Both these positions require me to tap to launch the app. Which is useless, it’s not how I use my watch.

There’s one space left, the top sundial. In this position the complication finally displays my heart rate. By wrapping it around the dial. This means when the hands are between 10 and 2 it’s not precisely clear where they are pointing.

Apple Watch Series 4; Infograph watch face

And then I realise Infograph doesn’t display minute markers on the dial. Instead there’s a mark for every 30 seconds. And no numbers. And it dawns on me; this watch face is useless to me. I stare at it. The Vegas strip. It looks like the intro to Martin Scorssese’s Casino.

It looks like a stockmarket rolling news on mushrooms.

I’m stressed. I take the Series 4 off and put my old Series 2 back on.

Outside, the homeless guy is in the road blocking traffic, he’s yelling at another guy who’s rifling through the second hand clothes recycling bin.

£749.

The packaging is everywhere.

All the excited YouTubers and bloggers. How can I justify it? How do they?

Infograph is a broken design. I swipe across to the Series 4 version of Utility. But it’s big. It’s spaced out. Because it wasn’t designed for this screen.

Apple Watch Series 4; Utility watch face

The tiny complications of Utility leave a globby mass of black space at each corner and the temperature is seemingly unaligned with anything.

And I’m sure PPI is lower. I can see the pixels on the hands. I’m not making it up. Why did none of the YouTubers tell me that.

Chill out. You’re freaking out. I deserve this. I work. Take it easy. You’re just a perfectionist. It’s not the watch, it’s me. My neurosis.

No.

Apple’s perfectionism is lacking, exposing mine.

The next day I send the Apple Watch Series 4 back to Apple for a refund and the homeless guy grunts when I give him a tenner.