Tim Cook and Jony Ive discuss the MacBook Pro keyboard

Tim Cook is sat at his desk. Jony Ive is lying horizontal on the sofa with a MacBook Pro resting on his stomach.

Neither are chatting, they’re just hanging out.

Tim is hate-reading negative Apple comments on twitter. He starts on a Verge tweet and goes from there, reading down the replies.

Jony is clack-clacking away on his keyboard. Tim’s slowly getting annoyed.

The fucking stupid comments. They’re always the same. Apple doesn’t innovate. Charging the mouse. The iPhone is shit. The iPhone is shit?! Imagine!

Tim google image searches pictures of the Samsung Galaxy. Pah, he thinks. Look at it. Now that looks like shit. Way the screen curves off the edge. Who can like that? Pixels falling off the sides. Awful.

Android’s so ugly.

Tim goes back to reading tweets. The MacBook Pro is an embarrassment, worst Apple product. Tim Cook’s just a numbers man from Compaq.

Mother fucker. Just a number man? From Compaq? Mother fucker.

Clack clack clack Jony keeps typing. Loudly. Tim thinks.

‘MacBook Pro keyboard is the worst keyboard I’ve ever used.’

Clack clack clack.

What the fuck is Jony typing?

“Jony.” Tim says flatly, still staring at tweets.

“Huh?” Jony doesn't’ look over either.

“The MacBook Pro keyboard.”

“What about it?”

“It’s pretty loud isn’t it. Like, people are generally saying it’s the loudest keyboard they’ve used.”

“We made it satisfyingly clicky.”

“I’d say it’s more clacky. Clack clack clack.”

Jony stops clacking his keys and looks over at Tim.

“Tim mate, what are you getting at?”

“Nothing Jony! Just giving you feedback. Reading these tweets. Regarding the MacBook Pro keyboard.”

“No. You’re digging.”

“I’m not! I’m just reading tweets. ‘The keys on my MacBook Pro intermittently stop working. Apple says dust can sometimes get inbetween the keys’.”

“Tim. Fuck off.”

“Those butterfly keys Jony. Admit it. I’ll admit it. My MacBook Pro, the keys sometimes stop working. Had it a few times.”

“It’s nothing that’s not within an acceptable failure rate, Tim. It’s a small amount.”

“My old MacBook Pro never had that problem. Never had that problem in the last decade infact. I had the left arrow key stick the other day. For like 3 hours. You ever had that?”

“Come on Tim.”

“Pretty fucked isn’t it. ‘I don’t expect this from a $3,000 laptop’. That’s one of the tweets.”

“Tim what’s got into you?”

“Say ‘the new MacBook Pro keyboard fails at an unacceptable rate.’ Say it.”

“Look, Tim. There are trade-offs in all design. You want to go back to that old chunky wobbly keyboard? Back light leaking between every key? Double the height? You want that? Hey why don’t we just go back to full mechanical? Dig out the blue prints for the Apple I. There’s always trade-offs, Tim.”

Tim ignores Jony’s rant, “The TouchBar. ‘Number of times I’ve activated Siri on MacOS: 9,121. Times I’ve meant to: zero.’ Another tweet. True too.”

“Tim this is your fucking company. We fuck up and it’s on you, pal.”

“Fine, fine. I’m just reading tweets, Jony… If you can live with this, fine.”


Jony breathes out heavily and turns his head back to his screen and starts typing.

Clack clack clack.

For fuck sake!” He slams the laptop down and storms out.

Tim smirks but it feels like a hollow victory.