Tim Cook and the conception of Marzipan

Tim Cook is hosting an ideas session for top level Apple execs. They’re sat in a circle. There’s no table between them. Like an AA meeting. This lot:

Well, except Angela Ahrendts.


“Sooooooo…” Tim says slowly.


“Should we…” He twiddles his thumbs and looks around the room. People avoid his eye contact.


“What if…” Tim says, looking up feigning thinking.

Craig Federighi stops his muscle memory from reaching for his iPhone.

Eddie Cue is asleep.


“Ah.” Tim says. “What if we put iOS apps on the Mac?”


“No.” Phil Schiller says.

“Noooo.” Katherine Adams says.

“No, no.” Johny Srouji says.

“No.” Craig Federighi replies.

“No.” “Noooo, no no no.” “No” More no’s come from around the circle.

Eddie Que wakes up, “No!”

Tim doesn’t seem to notice. He blows air into his left cheek and then swaps it to the right cheek, still thinking.

“What if… we seemingly don’t think it through, and we demonstrate this by revealing a framework that will fundamentally change what a Mac is. With zero guidance. Multiple years before its release. And see what happens?”

“No…” “No.” “Tim, no.” “No, no no.” “No.” Noooo.” “No, Tim.” “No.” “Nonono!”

“And we put some iOS apps on the Mac now using this very poor software. And we don’t worry if it doesn’t work well and looks fucking awful? We can go first with Apple News and the Mac App Store?”

“No.” “Nooo!” “NO.” “No no no no.” “No, Tim.” “No.” “Nononono…” “No.” “Timmm No no no.”

“What if we publicly reveal its codename?”

“No! No. No.” “Tim! No.” “No.” “No. NoNo!” “Nooo.”

“We just need a codename.” Tim taps an Apple Pencil against his lips.

“No.” “Nooo.” “Nonono.” “No!” “No, Tim. Tim.. No.”

“What if we call it a cake?”

<insert joke about one thousand no’s for every yes>