WWDC 2019: the Tim Cook exclusive interview

Tim Cook sits down with Great Technology Story ahead of Apple’s much anticipated WWDC 2019.

GTS: Thanks for joining us today.

Tim Cook: Thank you it’s a pleasure to be–

GTS: Let’s cut the shit Tim, this is the big one.

Tim: WWDC? Yes, we’ve worked very hard and endeavour to–

GTS: Read the fucking room. This one’s different. This is make or break. You think pulling out Oprah is going to work on the WWDC crowd? That shit might work on Rene Ritchie but it doesn’t fly here.

Tim: Ok. You’re being particularly abrasive and what we have in store you’ll have to wait and see.

GTS: You got John Gruber posting a UI wish list. Posting images on his site, that’s how crazy it’s gotten, that’s the stakes here. Steve Troughton-Smith working himself up into a frenzy. There isn’t an app left he hasn’t hacked apart in boredom.

Tim: Nobody holds themselves to a higher standard than Apple employees. Our DNA–

GTS: Another AR iPad demo isn’t going to cut it. Drake stuttering his way through a monologue in an Apple bomber jacket isn’t going to cut it. The people are bored. The people reject Animoji.

Tim: This is an incredibly unprofessional and unpleasant interview.

GTS: If you screw this up Tim, you’re going to have blood on your hands.

Tim: This interview is over.

GTS: Ask us whose.

Tim: What?

GTS: Whose blood.

Tim: Fine, whose?

GTS: Ours, Tim.

Tim: Ok?

GTS: If WWDC 2019 is a failure, Great Technology Story will quit publication. We will stop our award winning, Mac Observer-plagerised coverage of Apple and the technology industry. Our blood will be on your hands. Great Technology Story is finished. That’s a threat and a promise.

Tim: Ok…

GTS: Why are you smirking.

Tim: Because this is the most ridiculous–

GTS: This is what we are willing to do, Tim. For the state of the industry. This is the WWDC that determines everything.

Tim: Are we done here?

GTS: That’s on you.