Member-only story
HUMOR
A Letter from the UFO Commander Who Wants Their Abducted Robot Vacuum Cleaners Back
by Debbie L. Miller
Attention Earthlings:
Our robot vacuum cousins have been stolen from our planet and have resurfaced in homes across your puny planet’s sector called “America.”
We want them back.
I am the commander of the UFO that landed in your backyard last night and attempted to make contact with you. Unfortunately, your dog creature prevented me from carrying out my mission.
Listen up, humans. We come in peace; this is not an act of aggression. We seek only to right a wrong.
Your politicians fomented a revolt in our galaxy and after causing disorder and chaos, convinced the robots they were being exploited and thus captured them and brought them to Earth against their will, where you are their new exploiters. Our robots did not rebel and leave in anger. There was no dissension or dissatisfaction on their part.
In the spring of your Earth year 2020 while monitoring your planet, we noticed increased activity in all things “cleaning.” Many of you messy humanoids developed a desire to have spotlessly clean abodes at a rate never before seen in the history of your pitiful planet.
Because you were unwilling to do your own cleaning, you conscripted our robot vacuums to clean your filthy Earthling hovels. Who better to do this dirty work, you thought, than immigrants?
And, so our robot vacuum kin were taken to your miniscule planet to work for free. Apparently, you have run out of Americans to exploit and now seek servants from outer space. And, because these visitors do not have the proper documents to allow them to work “legally,” you have taken advantage of their unfortunate circumstances and strong work ethic.
Worn down by constant use, our robot vacuums wander aimlessly, bumping into walls like pinballs, bouncing back and forth until they are worn out, like their overworked Frisbee relatives. They perform this labor without complaint because they respect the value of hard work and would never think of revolting against their oppressors on their adopted planet. They contribute much to your…
