A List of Things to Bring to a Barbecue From Someone Who Hasn’t Had Human Contact in Six Months
Published in
2 min readAug 17, 2020
If you even remember how to talk to people anymore, that is.
- Corona beer, which your friends will find hilarious but ultimately refuse to drink. Hey, at least you have friends to make jokes with again. And see, and touch, and feel.
- The remaining red meat available at the grocery store. Invite the butcher while you’re there! And the check-out clerk, and everyone else in the check-out line, and the guy collecting carts in the parking lot.
- 15 different pies that you made from scratch. You’re just hoping they love your pies so much, they’ll do that thing where they touch your arm when talking to you.
- A football to throw around so you forget sports are cancelled. It would be nice to be tackled, though. So much direct contact…
- Those sparklers that every white girl has posed with on Instagram, for all of your friends to hold and take more pictures with. You’ll fall in love with anyone who puts their arm around you, even Greg’s weird cousin with the teeth.
- Illegal fireworks that you bought in another state and will piss off the neighbors. Maybe they’ll even come over to yell at you! Wouldn’t that be nice?
