All I Want for the Holidays Are These Film & Television Crossovers
Dear Hollywood: Please Take Note
Published in
2 min readNov 23, 2020
- The Westworld Wing — Blood-thirsty evil robots with no souls, aka Trump’s White House staff, are replaced by the robots of Westworld.
- Fresh Prince of Jurassic Park — Will moves from a rough town, Philadelphia, to a really rough town, the velociraptor cage. Carlton tries to impress a girl by riding a Brachiosaurus to school, and Uncle Phil regrets hiring a T-Rex as an intern.
- King of The Hills — Hank Hill, his wife Peggy, and their son Bobby, move to Los Angeles because Hank got an internship at Teen Vogue with Lauren Conrad. Hank tries to sell propane to Heidi, which makes Spencer jealous, even though he’s actually into Whitney, who’s actually into Jason, even though Jason is still hooking up with Audrina, who suggested Heidi buy the propane in the first place.
- Walker, Texas Ranger’s Anatomy — Walker and his new wife, Meredith Grey, trade occupations. He performs surgery in cowboy boots while she hunts down violent criminals in scrubs.
- Dexter’s Laboratory — just like the famous animated children’s show, except Dexter the boy genius is replaced with Dexter, the serial-killing, forensic blood splatter expert.
- Everybody Loves Ray Donovan — the perfect blend of situation comedy and intense crime drama. Hilarious hijinks ensue when Ray tries to pin three murders on his dad Mickey, but can’t, because Mickey already faked his own death. Guest starring: Jay Leno.
- Tiger King’s Gambit — Joe Exotic, high on drugs and alcohol, plays chess against Jeff Lowe, Doc Antle, and Beth Harmon before taking on the most evil grandmaster of them all: Carole Baskin. Loser gets eaten by tigers.
- Shrek 2 Fast 2 Furious: Shrek has to win back his swamp by winning the world’s most dangerous street race: a typical commute on the Massachusetts Turnpike.
- James Bond: No Time to Eat, Pray, Love: Heartbroken by the deaths of the seventeen girls he was sleeping with last movie, James Bond embarks on a quest of self-discovery that takes him to Italy, India, Indonesia (and also Bridgeport, Connecticut for some random reason).
- The Wizard of Ozark: After a crazy tornado, Dorothy and her little dog Toto wake up in the Missouri Ozarks, where she is forced to launder money for a vicious crime lord. Scarecrow is the brains of the operation, naturally. Armed with newfound courage, the Lion has transformed himself into a ruthless hyper-violent “enforcer.” He contemplates turning himself into the nearest zoo to be tamed. The Wicked Witch of the West is a FBI informant who uses the Yellow Brick Road to smuggle drugs into Munchkin Land. The Tin Man is killed for scrap metal.
