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Humor
An Open Letter from Life, “You’re Doing It Wrong”
Straight From the Horse’s Mouth
Hey buddy! It’s me…the reason you exist. First off, this is not a dream, or a hallucination, and you’re not dead (Yay!). Rest assured, this letter is as real as the steely black chin hair that popped up unannounced in your mid-thirties that you’re still to this day, scared shitless to touch. Just like Mr. Chin Hair, I’m here to provide gross insight and help you set slightly more realistic expectations for the future.
Let me be clear from the get-go: I’m on your side. We’ve been through a lot together after all. Remember birth? Yeesh, so fucking gross. Then came childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, real-life adulthood, now the transition into middle age which will inevitably, and only if you’re lucky, lead to the unavoidable slow roll toward unrelenting sadness and death (fingers crossed!). They all come with their own unique set of joys, but one underlying theme remains constant, “I’m basically a miserable fuck…but I mean well.”
Moving forward, it might help to think of me as a big bowl of actual crap with rainbow sprinkles on top. If you work hard enough, you can meticulously pick a few of the sprinkles off and wipe enough of the crap away to somewhat enjoy, but this’ll take some real commitment on your end and…
