Are You Getting Laid Off or Divorced?
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
- It’s been so long since you’ve been on the market, you don’t even know where it is.
- All of your nicest “dress to impress” clothes are out of date.
- You spend your evenings and weekends vacillating between eating all the carbs and trying to get back into shape.
- People you barely know want all of the dirty details. Who do they think you are, the Kardashians?
- Your friends say that something better is waiting for you. You worry the only thing waiting for you is a spot on your mom’s couch. And cats. Lots of cats.
- Are your skills even transferable? Will anyone else want what you do?
- Risk of drunk dialling your soon-to-be-ex: High.
- Strangers reach out wanting to hook you up with short-term opportunities. It’s a bad idea, but you’re still tempted.
- You get replaced a few months later with someone younger and less experienced.
- Ending the relationship is expensive.
- The best you can hope for is a reasonable severance package.
Laid off: 1–11 Especially #4. And don’t post about your job loss on Facebook, or that guy from fifth grade will ask for the video footage of you getting walked out the door. Or he’ll fall into #8 and try to convince you to sell knives to suburban moms.
Divorced: 1–11 Yes, even #2. The only real difference between dating and working is that it’s legal everywhere for your boss to pay you for what you do. Though many of them would love to get it for free.