Bake Your Own Banana Bread President 2020

Take democracy into your own tummy!

Mmm! Moist and honest leadership! (Photo courtesy of Lee Vue via Unsplash)

Want a president who won’t let you down when the tough gets tougher, but who also is moist and delicious?? Want to be led by a leader of the free world while not being oppressed by them at the same time? Then this bipartisan banana bread president recipe is for you!

Original recipe yields 12 servings (x27,500,000 to cover the American population)

· 2 cups all-American flour

· 1 teaspoon baking soda (to rise against corrupt powers!)

· 1 teaspoon background checked and tax investigated salt

· 1 stick Land O’ the Free butter

· 1 cup equal rights for brown sugar

· 2 eggs, non-beaten by police for exercising their right to protest

· 3 cups overripe bananas (because we’ve gotta get rid of bad bananas somehow!)

Step 1
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 2,800x1,582 miles loaf pan (equal opportunity eating for all Americans).

Step 2
In a melting pot, combine all people. Stir in basic human rights. Let sit to moist. Pour into prepared loaf pan for room to grow and become more inclusive.

Step 3
Bake in preheated oven for 35+ minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean and free of criminal charges. If it’s taking longer to cook, try turning up the heat a little to the left.

Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and let it give a brief speech while sitting on a Bible.

Step 4-
Eat and enjoy your Banana Bread President! With no electoral college to fuck it up for us all, you’ll wish every president could be as good as this banana bread!

Add a little chocolate hazelnut drizzle to sweeten it up!

Nutrition Facts
Per serving:
229 calories; 8.8 g total fat; 51 mg cholesterol; 223 mg sodium; 34.8 carbohydrates; 3.8 g protein

Tip for saving on calories* 50 mg filibuster reform

Also works well in muffin form to bake your own Congress!



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Cassie Soliday

Cassie Soliday

Comedy writer, cartoonist, and casual existential crisis haver.