Humor

The family that pranks together, stays together

Thom Pitts

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Published in

Greener Pastures Magazine

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3 min read

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Dec 5, 2023

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1. Communication is not key. The beauty of being part of a prank couple is that the more secrets and lies you keep from your partner the better and more effective you will be as a prank couple. In most cases, we recommend that you do not talk to or spend time with your partner outside of the pranking sessions.
2. Prepare yourself for jealous friends. All the other couples at dinner parties and gatherings are going to ask you questions like “How do you cope with the constant fear that your husband is going to throw a balloon of green goo at you?” And comments like “If my wife poured water over my new laptop and had me beaten to within an inch of my life by some strong men in a pretend robbery, I’d divorce her” Just remember these people are just jealous and you shouldn’t take on board anything they say because they are pathetic losers.
3. Everyone you know and love is now just a prop to use to further your career. On the note of friends and family being jealous of you, do not hold a grudge. You might need them at certain points in your prank couple career. DO lose all love you have for them but do not drive them away as they will come in handy for the more extravagant pranks.
4. The physical health benefits of never being able to relax again. There is a Scientist somewhere that said it is good for you to live on edge and to fill your days with anxiety and scary surprises. This means you are less likely to notice all the other things that are wrong with you mentally and physically. You will have a shorter life than most but you’ll be happy when it’s over.
5. Replace physical intimacy with a pranking session. We all know that 5 years into a relationship, there is no attraction left and you become bored of each other’s very existence. Well, instead of a forced uncomfortable love-making session just participate in some good old-fashioned messy pranks.
6. Replace date nights with a pranking session. As well as replacing physical intimacy make sure you cut out and replace all date nights too. If you NEED to go outside for a bit or feel like you NEED a change of scenery, then just make sure you are going to be able to prank when out in public. Be aware of your surroundings and have things set up in every coffee shop, bar, cinema or restaurant you might visit.
7. It will look like the spark is back in your relationship. You are both probably still miserable and deep down feel like you cannot go on like this anymore. But to the outside world, the viewers online and acquaintances you will look like the perfect happy-go-lucky couple that are enjoying life. The spark has gone and no amount of pranking will bring it back, but to others it looks like it is still there and that’s all that matters.
8. Make sure you are both as online as physically possible. Get scrolling as soon as you wake up and only stop for pranks or sleep. It is great to get ideas for pranks from other pranksters and you should be posting stuff on to all the social sites every 4 minutes. It’s useful to become a big mover and shaker in the dark web too, so that you have the connections and resources to make the more dangerous and mentally scarring pranks possible.
9. Children are great, as long as they contribute. If you end up having a child, only keep that child if they can take part and benefit the pranking. Get them as heavily involved as early as possible. If you can pull off a few pranks within the first few hours whilst in the hospital then great, but if you end up going a couple of days and you feel the baby is more of a hindrance to the pranking, then get them sent out for adoption ASAP.
10. The cleaning up. The cleaning up after pranks is a nightmare. Very time-consuming and boring.