Humor
Born to Business with David Business, LinkedIn Warrior (№1)
Hiring a Literal Rockstar
Ten years ago I was given the money to hire a fresh face for the accounting department over at Gold Man’s Sack (a story for a later time). The hiring manager had been demanding I find a “rockstar” candidate. Though I knew what he meant, I wondered what might happen if I hired an actual rockstar. When you’re a business maverick such as myself, conducting experiments on other people’s dime is just something you gotta do.
I met Rodney at a Los Angeles dive bar that smelled like my high-school theater teacher. He was the ex-drummer for the short-lived hair metal band “Violence of the Snake” and their single “Grope To Meat You” had almost gotten them signed to Capitol Records. He was a leather-skinned man in his late fifties who wore bright cheetah-print pants and a ripped black muscle tee that read “Strip Club Inspector.” He was perfect. Though he had not ascended to the heights of his peers, he had all the necessary elements to satisfy my experiment. As I always say, the bagel left in the breakroom at the end of the day is still a perfectly edible bagel. Rodney was my bagel.
For one glorious week, Rodney worked at our company, and boy oh boy did he challenge conventions left and right. People would bring him into meetings and he would light up a Marlboro Red and share his favorite adult website search terms. He even introduced us to the concept of all-day happy hours and filled the fridge with the strongest malt liquor I’d ever tasted. I believe it was called “Sour Tony’s Early Grave Elixir.” It was a wild time! Not only was this guy a literal rockstar, but he was also literally disrupting our operations. However, after one too many desktop computers thrown out the fifth-story window, management made the call…
Rodney was out.
My heart broke. Sure, he wasn’t a solid cultural fit or supposed to be that far from his parole officer, but for that one week, he was an actual rockstar accountant- exactly what they had asked for. Plus, because of his time at Gold Man, they were able to establish all kinds of new in-office safety initiatives and hiring protocols that actually improved the company! Sometimes you need to set a wolf loose in order to find the weak points in your barnyard.
So remember: Unexpected benefits lie in unexpected places. Always challenge hyperbole and believe in the possibility that a man in spandex stinking of Sambuca could maybe, just maybe, strengthen accounts receivable. Because when you dare to dream for the stars, you just might rock the house.
David Business is an aspiring CEO, self-accredited LinkedIn expert, and personal associate of comedy writer Kenny Gray. You can connect with David on LinkedIn for even more innovative business content.
