Humor
Born to Business with David Business, LinkedIn Warrior (№12)
The Five Greatest CEO’s of All Time
Imagine yourself in a field. You have a shovel and a bucket, but no idea what to do. Then suddenly your phone buzzes. It’s an email from the head honcho that reads- DIG A HOLE!! You suddenly feel purpose rush into your veins, inspiration lights you from within. Your agile fingers wrap around the shovel and you begin to dig with vigor, all because daddy said so. That’s why we need CEOs. They provide the maps for our corporate existence.
To my delight, we are currently living in the golden age of CEOs, our own modern version of monarchs. But instead of rolling heads, they roll back prices. To honor these great corporate warriors, I compiled my top five chief executive officers, with a quick blurb about what makes them so great. May you be inspired.
#1. Steve Jobs — Steve took the computer and made it sexy. Previous to Steve, computers had been a straight-up nerdfest, valuing technical specifications over fun colors. Then Steve came along and screamed so loud at his employees they changed the world. People will remember him for turtleneck and hand to chin poses, but to me, he will be the man that kicked the old phone to the curb and gave us the rectangular wunderkind known as the iPhone.
#2. Henry Ford — Imagine the world is all horses. Are you done throwing up? Henry Ford dreamed of something better, the car. From his factories in Detroit, he pumped out non-stop identical vehicles, utilizing giant metal boxes that explode gasoline in real-time (aka engines). Ford also pioneered the modern version of the assembly line, a technology used to this day at sandwich shops around the world. To put it quite simply, without Ford, you’d be reading this on a pony.
#3. Jack Welch — I spent many years thinking this man was the kingpin of grape juice but, fun fact, he actually worked at General Electric! And when Jack was in charge of those big two letters (G & E) he expanded that stodgy old behemoth into all kinds of exciting new ventures. Do you know what a company famous for making light bulbs apparently can also do? Financial services. How? Who gives a shit! The point is they did it and Jack was the maverick behind the wheel. So the next time you think, I can’t have tacos AND cereal, remember Jack’s call to adventure.
#4. Elon Musk — The young buck of the crew, Elon is a man with his finger in so many pies he’s developing diabetes. First, he helped to create digital payments for your pals. Then, he decided it was time to make cars electric (uhhh, WHAT?) and now he’s blasting cash-rich adrenaline junkies to the basement of space. Stud alert! While the other CEOs on this list did a lot, I think they’d be in awe of the sheer scope of Elon’s work. Oh, and if you didn’t love him enough already, he’s also straight-up digging holes in the ground to try and fix traffic. He’s one little worm that just won’t quit!
#5. Sam Walton — Have you ever wanted to buy AA batteries and Kraft singles at 3:30 am in nothing but a robe? Thanks to Sam Walton, you can. Not only did he create Wal-Mart, the greatest shopping center in all of America, but he also created high-pressure tactics to drive down prices. Do you know what that jar of Classico tomato sauce was supposed to cost? A lot more. Walmart stops other companies from making healthy profits so you could thrive. A move that Jeff Bezos has blatantly stolen. But let’s give credit where credit is due, Walmart pioneered nosediving prices and making old people wear silly little blue vests. If that’s not America, I don’t know what is!
Honorable Mention: Elizabeth Holmes — Who said your idea needs to actually work before you can get billions of dollars from old white men? Elizabeth is a masterclass in confidence. Sometimes you need to dream so big you literally become delusional and go to jail. But trust me, when she gets out of those iron bars, I’m confident she’ll have an even better idea that will work even less, and you know what? She’ll probably raise even more money. That’s baller as hell.
David Business is an aspiring CEO, self-accredited LinkedIn expert, and personal associate of writer Kenny Gray. You can connect with David on LinkedIn for even more innovative content.
