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Born to Business with David Business, LinkedIn Warrior (№17)

Five More Great CEOs

David Business
Greener Pastures Magazine

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Image via ADC

A few weeks ago, I created a list of five great CEOs. That was not enough. Every CEO is great, and if I could, I would honor them all with a salute and half of my paycheck as a bonus. Until then, this second installment will have to suffice.

Warren Buffet: I like to think of Warren as the Santa Claus of investing. His company Berkshire Hathway is a gentle giant. With one hand, it could lift you up and, with the other, smash your feeble brains into jelly. And that’s reflective of Warren himself. This guy radiates pure elf energy, but underneath it all, he is a calculating troll on the hunt for blood. While most CEOs scowl their way to victory, Warren understands the importance of a smile.

John Rockefeller: Imagine you’ve got a man by the balls, and he’s begging for mercy. What do you do? Do you let him go, or do you spank em’ on the tush him until he cries? John chose the latter with the oil industry, and the Government noticed. In the giant proverbial lemonade stand called the free market, John sold his lemonade at a loss to decimate the competition. His tactics were so innovative the United States straight-up had to make his practices illegal and forcefully break up his entire operation. He was the real belle of the ball. So for all future CEOs on the hunt for metrics to benchmark by — when laws are passed to counteract your strategy, that’s when you’ll know you’ve learned to disrupt.

Jack Dorsey: The Goth prince of Twitter. Seriously, have you seen pictures of this guy? I’m not even sure what makes him so profound as a leader. What I do know is that he has a nose ring and pecs that make me sweat. He’s the hunk daddy nerd king of the valley (sorry, Bezos). Personally, I am afraid of piercings/being pierced. I wonder if that is limiting my potential. Because if you can handle a needle at Claire’s, you can definitely take the pressures of running a social media company. All hail the muscled warlock of one hundred and forty characters or less. May you reign supreme.

Rupert Murdoch: Every industry needs a goblin. For the media, it’s Rupert. He is a man for which the word “tycoon” is literally appropriate. He owns The Wall Street Journal, Fox News, and at one point, MySpace. If it spits controversial opinions and pisses half the country off, you can bet he’s got a stake in it. He understands you don’t have to help people to make money. You can also divide them for profit. This dude was even the inspiration for the TV show Succession. Not even Steve Jobs inspired a TV show. At least, not yet (my pilot Turtleneck Savage is almost to the point of first draft). Murdoch exemplifies the idea of “if you’re gonna be evil, own it!”.

Mark Zuckerberg: The literal embodiment of “not my chair, not my problem.” Most people praise Mark for constructing a social media network. I prefer to focus on his savant-level ability to dodge responsibility. Throughout your career, people will always try to pin proverbial tails all over your proverbial donkey. They’ll say things like, “you created a platform that lets hate and disinformation spread.” Yikes. What are you supposed to do, own up to it? Change? Learn? Grow? Umm, I don’t know about you, but those options seem expensive and complicated. Instead, be like Mark. Dodge authority and consequences like Neo dodges bullets in The Matrix. Because once you learn to bend over backward, it’s not a far journey to traveling up your ass. And once your head is snugly inside your rear, the world quiets down enough to get back to work.

David Business is an aspiring CEO, self-accredited LinkedIn expert, and personal associate of writer Kenny Gray. You can connect with David on LinkedIn for even more innovative content.

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David Business
Greener Pastures Magazine

Business is more than my passion, it’s my name. LinkedIn Warrior and Management Theory Freak. Close personal associate of comedy writer Kenny Gray.