Humor
Born to Business with David Business, LinkedIn Warrior (№4)
Networking at Thanksgiving
It was a cold winter day in North Adams, Massachusetts. I had just arrived six hours early at my Aunt Victoria’s house for Thanksgiving. She answered the door in her bathrobe looking disheveled.
“David? Why are you here so early?”
I laughed, handed her my business card, and entered the house. As a newly minted MBA, my eyes had just been opened to the idea of radical networking. A fringe movement that touts one simple principle…
Every event is a networking event.
For years I had thought of my family as a collection of wrinkled New Englanders who were too buttoned up to understand concepts like kanban or depreciation. But a few condescending bald-headed professors later and I realized I was the one closing myself off to opportunity.
So, as Aunt Vicky began setting up the house for the big day, I asked her every question under the sun.
“Where do you see the tech industry going?”
“Do you think interest rates are perverting corporate leverage?”
“Is this sweet potato pie recipe proprietary?”
I got the usual side-eye and condemnations of my general demeanor, but I wasn’t phased. Because this time around she wasn’t family, she was a peer. And as my professors said, peers are business fruits waiting to be juiced. Eventually, she got flustered handed me a bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau, and told me to “suck on this until everyone else gets here.” I obliged.
I awoke on the couch a few hours later to Uncle George’s shouts.
“David, get up you idiot, the food is about to be served!”
I had fallen asleep and missed out on the cocktail hour! How could I be so stupid? I snapped into action, grabbed my messenger bag, and ran to the dining room where my entire extended family was seated. The table was covered in an impressive spread of brown and orange-colored food, but I was about to add my own ivory white dish.
Next to the turkey… I placed a bowl full of my business cards.
“In case anyone’s hungry for innovation” I chortled.
I saw my mother wince with embarrassment, but I wasn’t bothered. Innovation always encounters descent. Some dinosaurs need to be snuffed out of existence so a new species of predator can thrive. My therapist calls these sorts of thoughts extreme, I call them true.
We then went around the table to share what we were thankful for. It was the usual chorus of nonprofit concepts like “togetherness” and “family.” I waited patiently for my moment… my moment to take the podium at the conference.
“And David, what are you thankful for?”
“I’m glad you asked”
Over the next thirty-five minutes, I walked my family through the magic of business. I shouted over cries of “just sit down” to hammer home the finer points of the BCG Matrix. It was an impassioned monologue that allowed me to express my long-bottled-up emotions. Admittedly, I did get off track and call my cousin Heath a “spoiled clown” but being a radical business leader requires radical honesty.
Once I finished, my Aunt politely asked me to leave. It appears I had been too disruptive.
“Do you know who else was disruptive? Steve Jobs.”
As I drove home that night I wondered if I had gone too far. Was there even such a thing in commerce? But the next day I received a phone call from my Uncle Frank, asking if I would play a round of golf.
Worth it.
We never played that round of golf, because he was kicked out of the country club for stealing liquor, but just remember…
In a forest full of thorns, there’s always one branch on the family tree willing to bend.
Happy Thanksgiving!
David Business is an aspiring CEO, self-accredited LinkedIn expert, and personal associate of writer Kenny Gray. You can connect with David on LinkedIn for even more innovative content.
