Humor
Candy Corporations Replace Sugar with Beneficial Addictive’s and Toxins
We’re surprised you seem to care what’s in your candy
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Dear Customers,
We hear your complaints on how our sugary products may be addictive, and we’ve been working on secret projects to replace sugar with other ingredients, though we’re surprised you now suddenly seem to care about what’s in your candy. Below are future products scheduled for immediate release that will not only reduce the amount of added sugars, but may even be beneficial.
Pumpkin Crack Rocks
“Halloween’s Perfect Scratch”
Bring your full focus back with Pumpkin Crack Pop Rocks, which lasts a solid 10 minutes until you replenish. A full package is guaranteed to make you feel like parasites are under your skin!
Eddie Ecstasy’s Christmas Candy Canes
“Santa’s Feel-Good Trip”
Open your intimacy for others as you rub your body in an invisible magic shower, and feel the full comfort of your carpet floor like never before. If you look in the corner of the room, you’ll see a friendly giant spider!
Bath Salties
“Florida’s Finest”
Reawaken your inner child with colorful, salty rocks of goodness made from leftover bathing products swept up from the ground in Florida warehouses. Bath Salties will make you feel so good, you might want to eat someone’s face!
Mr. Meth’s Jawbreakers
“What a Teeth Cracker”
