HUMOR
Cocktails for Parents at College Drop Off
One Part Bourbon, One Part Regret
The Cat’s In The Cradle: For parents with regrets. One part bourbon, one part bitters. Tastes like a missed ballet recital. Pairs with unanswered texts.
The Stoic: For parents who refuse to cry at drop off. Scotch, neat. Tastes like a stiff upper lip mixed with future therapy. Pairs with overly positive Facebook posts.
The Vagabond: For parents who have been saying for years that as soon as their kids move out, they are selling their house and traveling. One part ayahuasca, one part Tums. Tastes like a non-refundable hotel room. Pairs with a money belt.
The Private Eye: For parents who stalk their children’s social media accounts looking for proof of life. One part Red Bull, one part double espresso. Tastes like an internet search asking what an eggplant emoji means. Pairs with a restraining order.
The Stowaway: For parents who want to drink during drop off. One part thermos, one part vodka. Tastes like the beginning of a nervous breakdown. Pairs with making your dog wear clothes.
The Pina Colada: For anyone. It’s a good drink.
The Memory Lane: For parents reliving their college days through their children. One part Franzia, one part Zima. Tastes like jeans that don’t fit anymore. Pairs with a Google search for old boyfriends.
