Day in the Life of an Undecided Voter
Dear Diary, How Will I Ever Decide What to Do?
7:30 am: Wake up
7:45 am: Go to bathroom. Unable to determine if sitting or standing is the best way to empty bladder. Leave bathroom with full bladder.
8:00 am: Time for a healthy breakfast. Read nutritional facts on two boxes of cereal in pantry: Count Chocula and Kashi Organic Puffed Quinoa. Neither seems quite healthy enough. Eat half a slice of leftover cheese pizza from three nights ago instead.
8:30 am: Contemplate options for bladder evacuation during commute to office. Distractedly knock down a stop sign and leave it in the road. What good was that stop sign doing anyway?
9:00am: Arrive at work. There is a birthday card to sign for Sally. Feel confident that Sally’s birthday is important enough to write something in card, but what? “Happy Birthday, Sally” is so establishment. “FUCK YOU SALLY GO DIEEEEEE!!!” is pretty aggressive, but also makes her birthday memorable. Come back to this later.
10:00am: Miss staff meeting due to wavering on how to take minutes. Ballpoint pen or own blood? Who could make that decision with only an hour to weigh the options?
11:30am: Receive e-mail from Tina in HR with reminder to sign time card. Take one moment to wonder how Tina (a woman!)…
