Humor

Dove Presents Their Latest Breakthrough: Your Boyfriend’s Skin

Clean, clear, and beautiful skin! Shame it’s attached to your boyfriend

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash, edited by author

Do you struggle with dry, flakey skin? Prone to breakouts? Your usual routine just isn’t cutting it?

Introducing the revolutionary new beauty product: Your Boyfriend’s Skin, by Dove.

Our scientists have discovered that, somehow, Your Boyfriend always seems to have perfect skin, even though he puts literally zero effort into it. He’s never had a clogged pore, or a blackhead, or the slightest interest in personal grooming. Just clear, beautiful skin, like he’s just rolled out of bed and onto the cover of Good Skin Monthly.

It truly doesn’t matter what he does. One time you caught him using your expensive conditioner as bodywash. Another time, he was using hand sanitiser. Doesn’t make a difference! No matter what kind of inane bullshit this motherfucker gets up to in the bathroom, somehow he always walks away with gorgeous, pimple-free skin.

It’s not like he eats well, either. This son of a bitch will eat an entire large pizza for dinner, then wash it down with another, even larger pizza for dessert. What’s that on the side? A third pizza, larger than the other two combined. And what’s he…