HUMOR
Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (№11)
Eglé and the Serpent King
Dear Dr. Folklore,
This past weekend, I was, like, bathing with my sisters outside (we have nothing else to do ‘cause it’s Lithuania or whatever) when this watery garden “snake king” slithers onto my clothes and starts talking to us in, like, human talk, and he said he’d get off me if I’d marry him. My first impulse was to say “sure” cause A) we’re naked and I’d like my clothes, 2) he said he’s a king, and I believe him ‘cause I get the sense he could probz transform into a beef-cake hunk of a man, and D) I live on a farm with my fam… I’m bored AF. If I see this garden snake crawl up on me and ask me out again, I might give him a shot — there’s legit nothing else better to do, and I could use a Valentine haha lulz. What do you think?
— First-World Farm Girl Problems
Dear First-World Farm Girl Problems,
Going into any romantic relationship out of boredom (or with a talking snake) always ends up in tragedy. He seems pushy — I wouldn’t be surprised if he had his entire snake-clan surround your family’s property until they took you into his underwater kingdom (even if your family could trick them, other talking animals will snitch). And yeah, maybe he’ll transform into a…
