Humor
Entries from the Diary of a Rooster
He Ate And Left No Crumbs
Entry 1
I overheard my owner telling her buck-toothed neighbour that I can no longer tell the difference between dawn and dusk. Tomorrow, I will crow at 8:26 in the evening, right around the time her favourite soap opera about some woman and her two husbands builds up to the “cliffhanger”. That’ll teach her.
Entry 2
Today’s wins: I pecked and clawed and tore up a sparkly piece of “fashion”, and shit on the veranda furniture. The latter was not entirely on purpose but I stared my owner dead in the eye and made it look so. Also, think I saw a drunk ant this afternoon? Funny how you look at those invasive bastards and never picture them being alcoholics.
P.S. my penmanship is on fire tonight!
Entry 3
So the annoying child from two houses away slipped on mud and crashed face-first on the brick road. Broken something-something. Well, boo-fucking-hoo! Like that’s a good reason for every bindi-ed woman in the neighbourhood to flock to their house. That too during mealtime!
Entry 4
Well, well, well. They brought some ladies to the farm today. The one with the extra white spots on the back of her neck looks particularly ravishing, especially when she walks. It is time to date and inseminate, babay! Whoo!
Entry 5
A lot has happened since my last entry. They brought goats to the farm like the stench of cows wasn’t enough. My owner has taken to inventing cuss words after her husband ran away with that buck-toothed neighbour. She’s a pain in my ass, but I felt sorry for her and pecked the crap outta his clothes. She laughed stupidly and so I pecked at her too, chased her around the house a bit, teach her who’s boss.
P.S. I saved the most important thing for last — Luna is a heartbreaker.
