HUMOR
For the Intellectually Insecure, a Book Is This Season’s Hottest Accessory
A beginner’s style guide to prove to strangers on the subway that you’re smarter than their last Raya date
When it comes to being a respectable New York City woman, being unfashionable is almost as bad as being dumb. But being dumb is definitely worse. Luckily, I’ve discovered the perfect accessory that can solve both of these problem — a book!
As an intellectually insecure style writer, I’ve gathered all the tips and tricks I’ve picked up over the years to help you convince complete strangers your smart and amp up your NYC street style ASAP!
STYLING
Just like any other accessory, there are specific techniques to carrying a book correctly. You want to look comfortable, confident and nonchalant. As if your mind is exploring the complexities of modern day feminism instead of thinking: “I wonder what that that person thinks of me?”
Option 1: hold it in your hand and down to the side as your arm swings.
This gives off that same “I can’t even be bothered” attitude that no-makeup makeup gave young women in 2015.
Option 2: tuck it into the nook of your elbow.
With this styling trick, you’re bringing everything up to eye-level, making your book nearly impossible to miss even in a city filled with pessimistic dreamers. Though this nook-of-the-elbow styling may not feel the most natural, it’s effective. It’s not comfortable, but neither is wearing a coat draped over your shoulders when you’re trying to squeeze onto the 6 train. But there’s no denying that shit is chic as fuck
BOOKS TO BUY
Just like designers, authors are key to making an impression in the fashionable semi-intellectual world. And just like designers, not all authors are held to the same standard.
Best-Sellers: Best-sellers with a lot of current buzz are a great pick, as they’re likely to get the most vocal recognition from people passing by. If you are going to go with one of these options — like a Sally Rooney or “Trick Mirror” — you’ll want to be prepared with some thoughts, opinions and overall musings. [Ed note: We recommend a touch of negativity with any review to give the illusion that you’re critical thinker without actually having to form a thoughtful opinion.]
Cult Classics: Nothing is cooler than reading an old favorite that may not have been critically acclaimed during it’s time, but is universally loved by all now. For me, this is “Valley of the Dolls.”
Actual Classics: Be careful with these. It can look too try-hard. We all want to have read “Anna Karenina.” But no one wants to actually read “Anna Karenina.”
Memoirs: Not all memoirs were created equally. There’s the dense, heavy, obscure memoirs that no one knows. I don’t have any book recommendations for this one because I would never read one. A level down, we have the truly enjoyable but well-written writer’s memoir like Patti Smith’s “Just Kids” and Stephen King’s “On Writing.” The level below that is the celebrity memoir written by A-listers that double as writers. Think: Lena Dunham’s “Not That Kinds of Girl” and Tina Fey’s “Bossypants.” The lowest of the low is the splashy celebrity memoir that reads more like a tell-all than anything else. Some recent ones include Jessica Simpson’s “Open Book” and Mariah Carey’s “The Meaning Of Mariah Carey.”
Personally, I recommend staying in the middle two-tiers if you want anonymous approval.
Niche Finds: These are those random books you picked up second hand, maybe it was recommended to you by a friend. Usually, they’re poetry or short stories, sometimes the book is small enough to fit in a coat pocket. This pick is guaranteed to turn heads. People will either assume you don’t care about what other people are doing (LOL) or that you’ve already read everything else and had to move on to books no longer in print.
