Humor

Hire Us to Outfit Your Parents’ House as an Escape Room Before the Holidays, so You Can Flee When the Dreaded Questioning Begins

So very thankful, you will be

Anna Jadow
Greener Pastures Magazine
3 min readNov 15, 2022

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Photo by marianne bos on Unsplash

You’re heading home for the holidays and you know exactly what awaits: pointed personal questions.

Why aren’t you married yet? Are you going to have another kid? Are you trying for a girl? Is that your third glass of wine?

We at Escape the House™ want to help, so hire us and you’ll be prepared to flee! Whereas your family will think the splatter on the baseboards is from dad dropping the chili last year, you’ll know that the spots are actually Morse code, strategically placed by our team to help you find the best route out of the fresh hell called “family time.” Here are some examples of how we can help:

1. We’ll replace the photo of your sister and her six kids with an identical photo, except the letterboard she’s holding will tell you which relative is an ally in your escape plan. No one reads letterboards so no one will notice. Relatedly, we will tell your sister not to give her seventh kid a name that rhymes with all of her other kids’ names. You’re welcome.

2. Why has Grandma told you three times that her boyfriend in assisted living is…

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Anna Jadow
Greener Pastures Magazine

I say things 🙈 Words in HuffPost, The Belladonna Comedy, Little Old Lady, MuddyUm, Frazzled, The Haven, Scary Mommy, Sammiches