Humor
How to Defrost A Freezer
According to Your Mom From What You Vaguely Remember
Published in
2 min readJan 26, 2024
- First — don’t read the manual. You don’t remember where it is anyway.
- Recall something about boiling water. Do that.
- Get a portable cooler and save things that aren’t older than three months or covered in frost.
- Attempt to remove wire drawers from freezer. Realize this isn’t possible. Wonder again about where you put that manual.
- Take a towel and pour the boiling water on the towel. Contort to lay towel on bottom of freezer and realize that towel is quickly freezing to the surface. Pour the rest of the water on the towel to free it.
- See that now-empty pot could just fit through the wire racks to set on the bottom of the freezer. Stick it in there. Hear some cracking.
- Take a butter knife to the sheet of ice on the bottom of the freezer. Note lack of movement. Use blunt end of a mixing spoon. Realize this is even worse.
- Consider moving refrigerator to unplug it. Realize it is much heavier than you are. Give up.
- Go to the back porch for a hammer. Find a mallet.
- Return with mallet and tap the ice shelf. Hear satisfying crack and watch the ice shelf shatter, sliding onto the tile floor.
- Play twister with the bottom shelves until all ice is pushed onto the floor.
- Throw as much ice as possible in the sink and mop with the towels.
- Do a happy dance and replace usable food.
- Remember where you put the manual.
