Humor
How to Feel Like a Million Bucks! (Adjusted for Inflation)
With the economy acting like a cat on a leash, even the simplest event can make people feel as if they’re swimming in dough.
“$1 in 2022 has the same buying power as $0.57 in 2000.” (bls.gov/inflationcalculator)
Treat Yourself to Something Nice
In 2000: Booyah! That investment in Pets.com stock is doing amazing! The world is your oyster, the stock market’s never been better, time to hit up Von Dutch at the mall, but first! Gotta check out some sweet real estate.
In 2022: That presentation was fire! Totally crushed it at work this week. Time to upgrade to a jumbo popcorn at the movies!
Wear A Fun Outfit
In 2000: So many going out tops to choose from….
In 2022: Ooh! Clean stretchy joggers!
Finally Land That Promotion
In 2000: The raise will start in the next pay period and your secreta–, ah sorry my bad, forgot we’re not calling people secretaries anymore — your executive assistant will get your office set up.
In 2022: For now, it’s just a title change, but more responsibilities! You said you wanted more leadership opportunities!
Go for a Run
In 2000: You get endorphins and didn’t get murdered!
In 2022: You get endorphins, showing no signs of plantar fascitities (yet), AND still didn’t get murdered this time!
Spend Time with Friends
In 2000: Take your new whip, a fresh-off-the-lot Dodge Neon, on her maiden voyage on a road trip with your friends.
In 2022: Vape with your 2000 Dodge Neon to get through the day as she runs on the remnant gas vapors as far as she can before going into “Flintstone Mode”.
Engage Your Spiritual Side
In 2000: Buy a book on Kabbalah.
In 2022: Light the Goop “This Smells Like My Vagina” mini-candle your mom put in your stocking stuffer for Christmas 2020.
Indulge in a Self-Care Activity
In 2000: Book a massage.
In 2022: Marvel at your success of getting ALL the glitter out of your tub from that bath bomb.
Drink More Water
In 2000: Evian, Perrier, Dasani, there are so many bottled water options!
In 2022: Fill up all of your reusable water bottles at work so you don’t use water at home– what a great life hack! Thanks, TikTok!
Serve Your Community
In 2000: Sign up for a monthly volunteer position at your local food kitchen.
In 2022: Repost an Instagram story from AOC, Planned Parenthood, or the ASPCA.
Eat a Healthy Meal
In 2000: Use AskJeeves to find “Raw Food Diet” recipes.
In 2022: Log onto Pinterest to look up “Ways to Stretch Your Week’s Worth of Groceries into a Month” with a fruit-forward, watered-down, notes-of-Nyquil glass of Two-Buck Chuck — nope, now it’s Four-Buck Chuck. Fuck.
Get a New Hairstyle
In 2000: Add some chunky highlights, some crimped black lowlights underneath, and why not, add some face-framing layers!
In 2022: A trim is how much?
