Humor

Well-Known TV Lines Rewritten for the Pandemic

Classic quotes, Covid-ified

Image by cottonbro via Pexels

The Lone Ranger

Bystander #1: “He helped us, and we don’t even know his name. Who was that masked man?”

Bystander #2: “You’re going to have to be more specific.”

30 Rock

Liz Lemon: “What a week, huh?”

Jack Donaghy: “Lemon, it’s Wednesday. No, wait — Tuesday. You know what? I have no idea what day it is.”

Schitt’s Creek

David Rose: “I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now. Especially people without masks.”

The Price Is Right

Announcer: “COME ON DOWN! Just please stay six feet away from me.”

Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld: “You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’”

George Constanza: “It’s a PANDEMIC, Jerry! Everybody’s wearing sweatpants!”

The Walking Dead

Michonne Hawthorne: “Anger makes you stupid, stupid gets you killed. So put on a damn mask.”

The Office

Andy Bernard: “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them. Right now, though, I am one hundred percent sure these are not the good old days.”

Friends

Joey Tribbiani: “Joey doesn’t share food! C’mon, I don’t wanna get Covid!”

Stranger Things

El: “Friends don’t lie. Especially when they break the rules of the pandemic pod.”

Will & Grace

Karen Walker: “Honey, it’s a waste of time. Like exercise. Or reading to your kids. Or trying to convince a conspiracy theorist that that Covid is real.”

Supernatural

Dean Winchester: “You know, saving people, hunting things, and doing it all in an N95 — the family business.”

The Good Wife

Alicia Florrick: “OK, I think this will make more sense if I get more wine — although it’s been almost a year since quarantine started and it hasn’t worked yet.”

Breaking Bad

Walter White: “I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. Well, we’re all in danger right now, but forget the pandemic for a minute.”

Scandal

Olivia Pope: “I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. Now how am I supposed to find that when I can barely leave my apartment?”

Greener Pastures is a comedy and satire site run by a bunch of writers obsessed with out-writing, out-joking and out-funnying each other.

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Kate Antoniades

Kate Antoniades

Writer/editor | Humor @ The Belladonna, Points in Case, Weekly Humorist, Greener Pastures, Little Old Lady Comedy, Robot Butt

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