Humor

I, A Millennial, Have Come to Accept That I Am The Problem

I’ve finally realized the truth: everything is definitely my fault

Image Credit: Liza Summer via Pexels.

Hey, it’s me, a millennial. Recently, a strategist said that millennials were to blame for the current economic downturn, and it really got me thinking.

From the moment I entered adulthood in the midst of a massive recession, it’s felt like nonstop once-in-a-lifetime historic events. Sometimes it’s seemed impossible to get ahead. For a long time, I thought maybe I was just the victim of poor timing — inheriting the ripple effect of shortsighted decisions made by the generations that came before me.

But I’ve finally realized the truth: everything is definitely my fault.

It’s time to come clean. My fellow millennials and I have destroyed things like beer, diamonds, motorcycles, cereal, and even McDonald’s fun little McWrap. How did we do it, you ask? I’m a little ashamed to admit to how easy it was for us. All we had to do was just…not buy things.

Of course, we’d claim that we couldn’t afford all those extras, that we didn’t need them, or that we wanted to be more earth-friendly. We got a real sick satisfaction out of saying we were broke because of student loan debt. What kid, at 19, doesn’t realize…