HUMOR
I Am Your Office Sponge, and I Quit! Just As Soon As Somebody Replaces Me…
After several months at what was supposed to be a two-week temp gig, I’ve had enough. Where’s my replacement? I can’t wait any longer! My body and mind are overworked and abused beyond measure.
Just look at me. See that missing chunk? That’s from the time Eileen forgot to scrub her oatmeal bowl for a whole week. Bet you didn’t think oatmeal could get that sharp, huh? And do you notice how my hue has changed from a cheerful yellow to a dull, greenish brown? That’s because of people like Clive who wipe up their Tupperware of five-day-old tuna casserole and don’t bother to wring me out afterwards. In fact, nobody ever wrings me out like they’re supposed to, not even after OCD Jenny posted that sign above the sink. If everyone did their jobs right for once, maybe I wouldn’t reek of mildew! Do you know how humiliating it was when that lady from corporate needed to clean out her coffee mug? She caught a whiff of that mildew scent, wrinkled her nose, and used a soapy paper towel to do the job instead!
That scent isn’t the only consequence of not wringing me out: every single orifice of my sponge body has been claimed by billions and billions of microbes. I’ve got more microbes per square centimeter than the inside of a toilet! It turns out a damp environment of…
