HUMOR
I, Mr. Miyagi, Have Completed Your Performance Review, And I Am Not Recommending You for a Promotion
Since you won the All Valley Tournament, I’ve seen a significant dip in your productivity
Come in, Daniel-san. Have a seat. Let’s cut right to the chase — I don’t think you’re management material. Yes, you won the All Valley Tournament, but around here, it takes more than one flashy crane kick to get ahead. I’ve identified a few areas for your development, and if you make some changes, sometime between now and when you’re 60 like me, the time may be right for your promotion.
First, you resist following orders and frequently question my process. When I say wax on, just wax on. When I say wax off, well…you get it. Obviously, my paint-the-fence and wax-the-car techniques resulted in significant performance improvements, and your insubordination despite these consistently strong results makes me question your readiness for a more senior position.
Second, let’s look at your experience. You only took up karate a few months ago, and really, it seems as though you only pursued it to impress a girl. I think you need to put more time in and pay your dues before you’re considered for advancement — there are no shortcuts in this operation.
Third, I’m concerned about your professional network. Despite several months in this location, your only contacts appear to be me, a girl you met at the beach, and your mom. And frankly, I’m disturbed by the conflicts you’ve sparked in multiple settings. A tussle at Golf N Stuff, a kitchen debacle at the country club, and a fight in a boys bathroom do not give me confidence in your ability to grow your network.
Finally, I have not forgotten your effort to show me up by catching the fly with chopsticks. I look for people in this organization who respect chain of command and put effort into making me look good. You won’t get where you want to go with those type of cheap parlor tricks, young man. If that’s what you’re into, Daniel-san, I suggest you head for the door.
Now, if you’re willing to make changes, perhaps there could be a promotion in your future. In the meantime, I have a new exciting project for you, called Powerwash the Patio. Pressure on. Pressure off.
