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Humor
I, Prometheus, Bringer of Fire, Can’t Believe You’re Still Using Brick Ovens
You’ve GOTTA be more energy-conscious
Hey mortals, it’s me: Prometheus. Y’know, the Titan that gave you fire and got punished by his best friend, Zeus, and their giant eagle gnawing at his guts? Yeah… we need to talk.
Look, I gave you fire to spark human technological innovation (pun intended), which, to be fair, you did! You created civilizations and art and electricity and nuclear bombs (the latter was a bit much, but you do you). However, it’s come to my attention that you’re still using fire for way too many mundane tasks, like cooking your food or powering your Sport Utility Chariots. My controversial act seemed like a win at the time, but now I’m kinda regretting it. What’s that new slang term kids have for that feeling? … oh right: a Pyrrhic victory.
Sure, when you disobey orders from the most powerful God ever/your closest friend, and sneak humanity the gift of caustic creation, there are inherent risks. But you assume those will be, like, a few forest fires. But brick ovens? Really? That’s taking up so much energy! Oh, and the forest fire thing? WAY more than I guesstimated!
You’re each using the same amount of potential energy it would take to illuminate the Lighthouse at Alexandria for a few hours to cook a pack of Top Ramen or just boil a single hot dog for your toddler who suddenly decided that the pasta you already made is “yucky.”
Sometimes it’s like, “I’m getting my liver repeatedly eaten by a colossal eagle for this!?”
Clearly you’ve become way too comfortable with fire. Even when it engulfs your vineyards and destroys city-states, you don’t even bother to sacrifice anything to stop it. Not a goat, a first-born son, or even same-day delivery.
And yet you keep ignoring omen after omen after omen. You’re drunk with power. And not the good kind of drunk where you have so much wine that you vomit while a satyr holds your hair back. No, you’ve got the bad kind of drunk where you inhale so much methane and nitrogen dioxide that you vomit while a carbon monoxide alarm blares in the background.
