Humor
If Famous Twist Ending Movies Didn’t Have Twists
They’d be both lighter AND darker…
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Luke and Darth Vader confront each other in Cloud City.
Darth Vader: If you only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke Skywalker: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Vader: Yes, I did! And I enjoyed it!
Luke screams and does a flying kick off of the platform into Vader’s face. Vader screams, topples backwards and falls to his death.
Luke: Finally. It’s over.
A crowd of stormtroopers enter, applauding. A hologram of the Emperor appears.
Emperor: Thank you, Luke! I’m finally free of Vader’s evil grasp!
Luke smiles as the stormtroopers carry him triumphantly through Cloud City, where Leia gives him a big kiss.
Leia: I’m so glad we’re not related.
Psycho
Psychiatrist Dr. Fred Richman addresses the group assembled in the police chief’s office.
Dr. Richman: I got the whole story…but not from Norman. I got it…from his mother.
Everyone stares at him.
Dr. Richman: She’s in custody too. Confessed to everything. Turns out she was the murderer the whole time, just as we suspected.
Lila Crane: But I thought she was dead! Wasn’t Norman dressing up as her and stabbing people?
Dr. Richman: No, she was doing the stabbing. Norman’s cross-dressing is just a harmless expression of his gender identity that in no way relates to this case.
Lila: Thank heavens. That would have been a really dangerous stereotype.
Dr. Richman: Don’t worry: homosexuality will only be considered a mental disorder for 27 more years!
Mulholland Drive
Rita places her purse on the bed. As she reaches into it, she notices Betty Elms has disappeared.
Rita: Betty? Betty???
Betty comes in from the other room.
Betty: Here I am, Rita! I just found your birth certificate and medical records. Turns out your name is actually Camilla Rhodes and you suffer chronic amnesia spells! Let’s get you to a hospital.
Rita: Gee, thanks Betty!
Betty: And please take that stupid wig off.
The Sixth Sense
Malcolm Crowe sits next to young Cole Sear, who is lying in a hospital bed, blanked clutched to his chin.
Cole Sear: I want to tell you my secret now.
Malcolm Crowe: Ok.
Cole: I see dead people. And I’d 100% tell you if you were.
Malcolm: Thanks, kid. If I was actually a ghost, I’d have a TON of questions.
Cole: I mean, you can move around and touch things.
Malcolm: Exactly! Thanks, Cole Sprouse!
Cole: It’s just 1999. He’s not famous yet.
Malcolm: Oh, right.
Planet of the Apes
George Taylor and Nova ride along the beach.
Taylor: Wait, what’s that?
They ride closer, only to discover a giant sign that says “WELCOME TO THE PLANET OF THE APES: 500 MILLION LIGHT YEARS FROM EARTH”.
Taylor: You MANIACS! That’s REALLY FAR AWAY!
Magnolia
Phil Parma stares out of a sliding glass door while nothing unusual happens.
Phil: Oh…we could really use some rain.
