Humor
“Stop Shushing Me! YOU Shush!”
An Editorial Inspired by Tucker Carlson
There’s no ideal more American than freedom of speech, so I pen some words today to insist that everyone must STOP speaking to us about our speech. I think my words represent a lot of us when I say that we are offended that our comments about “lynching” or “the China virus” or “storming the Capitol” are called “incendiary.” For anyone to say anything out loud against our speech is a shocking affront to our basic liberties. People must cease and desist suggestions that we refrain from using the unimportant words that are important for us to use. Words do not matter, which is why we cannot stand by quietly.
As the targets of these unprecedented verbal attacks, we refuse to be intimidated, which is why we have carefully crafted patriotic responses to the unpatriotic statements regarding our previous statements. For example, we have said “Fuck your feelings!” which is the strongest possible way to word our feelings toward the other party’s disregard for our feelings about their feelings. However, now we question whether we would even want to consummate the relationship in this particular way. Especially because what about any offspring the union would produce? Would they even be American?
