Humor
It’s An Incredibly Far Way to Travel if You Wish to Rock and Roll
That’s an inefficient way to travel, stranger.
Look, friend, I’m telling you for the last time.
You stopped at my roadside gas station and asked ME for advice. And I told you. There’s just no way you’re getting to that mountain top simply via the process of rock and roll. It’s just not happening. It’s simply too far. It’s a cockamamie idea, frankly. To think that in order to travel such an incredibly long distance, that one must only perform the act of rock and roll, and not the tried and true method of “moving one’s legs” or “using a motor vehicle” to reach a destination…I just don’t know how you came to this lunacy, and frankly, I think you’ve been given some bad advice.
I mean, look at that thing. It’s at least 14,000 feet, jagged sharp peaks and valleys so deep they make Mariana’s trench nervous.
I can recommend at least thirty other ways of transportation that are more efficient than rock and roll. And they’d all get you there. Heck, even folk music has some advantages. For one, there’s a decent chance someone will see your worn, ragged boots while you busk on the street corner and offer to take you to a Boot Barn and replace those things. They will surely hold up better on your intrepid trek than those six-inch rockstar heels you’ve donned now.
Even if you were speaking metaphorically — that you were hoping for directions on how to reach the top of stardom, I gotta say, I have to warn you against rock and roll as a medium for that as well. Now, I’m only in charge of stocking the Mountain Dew and peanut shelf around here, but even I know (and my music taste is several decades behind) that rock and roll is just not a viable path to success any longer. It just doesn’t play, ya know? Radio-wise.
It’s not for me, but I’d say find some old discarded division II football mascot head and throw that on your face, download some beats, and write some lyrics about some girl named Molly. I don’t know what to tell you.
Once again, I reiterate you came in HERE, asking ME for advice. And I’m saying, hopefully for the last time, that you simply cannot rock, nor roll, your way to the top. Of any mountain, real or imaginary. So drop it.
Are you gonna buy those Skittles?
