Humor
Medical Board’s Recommendations for Doctors Who Don’t Know How to Diagnose Their Patients
Have you considered aligning your chakras?
Published in
1 min readApr 26, 2023
- Encourage your patient to continue researching on WebMD so they can figure it out themselves if they care so much.
- Prescribe a strict regimen of aromatherapy, sound baths, and crystals to fix their bad vibes.
- Ask ChatGPT to fabricate a plausible-sounding diagnosis.
- Monologue straight for ten minutes about your son’s Rhodes Scholarship and Ph.D. from Harvard and hope your patient forgets why they were there.
- Clarify if their symptoms started before or after they began watching The Last of Us.
- Hand them the name of your Botox specialist to smooth out their stress wrinkles.
- Assign gratitude prompts so they feel thankful that they don’t have something worse, like a zombie fungal infection.
- Refer them to your incompetent ex from medical school, who swears by leech therapy.
- Call in the local priest to conduct an exorcism.
- Amputate their toes so they have a new problem to think about.
