Nevada Has Been Found Enjoying an Eggnog Latte at Starbucks In the Midst of Ballot Counting
If you wanna really know what’s up, it’s the Chestnut Praline Latte
While the entire country has remained on the edges of their seats as they await a final call on the 46th President of the United States, Nevada has been enjoying a leisurely moment after Starbucks releases their seasonal drinks and bakery items.
The typically Red state has been teetering into Blue territory for just over 42 hours now, and with voters protesting and losing sleep, Nevada really just wants to take a moment to appreciate these beverages while they can!
“Look, we all have our quirks. Mine just happens to be gambling, dirt, and the seasonal menu at Starbucks!” Nevada says as they chug their second Eggnog latte of the day.
It has now been 3 whole days of counting ballots in the state of Nevada, but the Western state seems to have other priorities to tend to. By priorities, we do mean basking in the ideology of the winter season despite Thanksgiving not even taking place yet.
“Honestly, man, if you wanna really know what’s up, it’s the Chestnut Praline Latte. And, technically speaking, votes for Biden,” Nevada exclaims as they order this beverage, iced this time around.
When we asked what Nevada had to say about the ongoing riots outside of polling locations, Nevada was surprised to hear the trends of Trump-voters chanting to “stop counting!” and, “stop the steal!”.
“Stop the counting? Uhh…hello? We really haven’t stopped or started, per se, rather we’ve more or less just shot each ballot a glance or two before the shift-lead alerted us of the menu-drop. Anyways, it’s pretty obvious that Grandma and Grandpa wanted to ring the “final vote of my life!” bell maskless and in person, and everybody else either dropped by between 9 am-11:30 am with a cotton k-95 mask or mailed their ballot with an envelope pre-licked by Chris Cuomo. Definitely smelled a hint of Pumpkin Cream Cheese muffin and Rick Santorum’s tears. Need I say more?” says Nevada. They managed to butt-chug a venti hot Peppermint-Mocha amidst this statement.
Whilst speaking with Nevada, we were also curious as to whether or not they had heard about Donald Trump’s recent tweets regarding voter fraud.
“That burnt mozzarella stick is still running his mouth? Sheesh…well, I’ll tell you one thing; I owe absolutely no favors to him knowing the amount he’s stolen from my Vegas casinos. Pretty bold of him to claim all these “wins” after losing 736 games of Blackjack, Bill Shine, and Michigan…aye, barista-keep! Gimme another cold one!’’ Nevada shouted, immediately grabbing the iced grande Toasted White Chocolate Mocha.
Before we were able to end our discussion, Nevada had a few words for their neighbor and old friend, the state of Arizona, who has recently received similar reports of backlash and criticism.
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear. We don’t get all 4 seasons. Neither of us have, and I don’t really think we ever will…and that’s where the blue wave comes in. Do you know how stressful it is to watch snowy Michigan and extremely wet Wisconsin flip with ease? While we sit amongst jars of home-made prickly-pear jam and dying cacti? We’re supposed to be blasting Michael Bublé’s Christmas album from each corner of us! But we can’t get into the rhythm…not like this at least. So what? We wanna enjoy a little coffee. A little winter-sugar. Edible Bath and Body Works candles. You could say we’d also love a Blue wave…but we’re too silly to give hints like that,” Nevada concluded, leaving us with a wink and a pumpkin-scone.
