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Our Household’s Weekly Banana Standoff — Not a Penis Story
A six-inch banana is all a woman needs
MONDAY
I shop for the week’s groceries. Bananas are on the list and I find them stacked neatly on an end display. They are firm and small, but a six-inch banana is all a woman needs. They’re pretty green, so I hang them from their perch to soften alone in a dark corner because we don’t need to see that every morning. I’m sure some people like hard bananas, but I’m a firm fan myself. Too hard and the mouthfeel is dry.
TUESDAY
My husband goes to make a smoothie. His banana is too firm to handle and he suspects the flesh will be bitter. He asks me to taste it, but I refuse–maybe after dinner. I offer to return to the store to find sweeter produce with more girth. Look, I’m not gonna argue that a girthy banana is more satisfying, so I head to a different grocery.
The bananas there are soft and brown. I reached for two I think will withstand repeated beatings in the mixer, and place them carefully in my box. You have to be gentle with the soft ones or they can prematurely squeeze pulp from the tip.
WEDNESDAY
In the morning, the bananas are no longer there. Someone in the house left their flaccid peels on the counter…
