Humor
Product Release: GE Mantis™
Hyper-Detailed Sonogram Technology Can Detect Details of Fetus’s Body and Soul
Baltimore, MD — May 15, 2021
GE is proud to announce our newest ultrasound product, forthcoming in summer 2022: the Mantis™, affectionately known at GE headquarters as ‘Shrimpy.’ Like its ocean-going namesake, the Mantis™ ultrasound machine looks just a little bit evil and can detect a wide range of complex visuals. Unlike an actual shrimp, the Mantis (™) is able to detect minute differences in creativity, work ethic, and Myers-Briggs personality type.
With Mantis™’s groundbreaking technology, pre-term imaging will no longer be limited to a barely-legible Doppler image of an oversized cashew or a ‘gingham’-filtered artist’s rendering of the couple’s future child — the Mantis™ will offer parents-to-be a detailed image of their baby’s soul.
“Some critics have cried foul about the potential for eugenics,” Dr. Powell said in an interview scheduled to appear in Business Insider next week, “but that’s just absurd. Nobody is trying to find the gay gene or change a baby’s coloring — although when the Mantis™ debuts we will be able to tell you if you’ve got a blue-eyed, blue-blooded boy or a brown-eyed girl with an unhealthy Wolverine obsession. We’re just trying to…
