Humor
Signs You Need a Netflix Hero Detox
Stop hunky heroes from ruining your life
Cognitive Decline: You ask friends to remind you about the plot of your previous conversation because you can’t possibly remember the details without an opening recap.
Verbal Oddities: You start referring to friends as mates in an English accent you acquired live chatting on the Bridgerton Rules feed.
Recurring Headaches: You experience disturbing hero mash-ups like chap-wearing sailors wielding magic lassos on pirate ships, chased by horse-riding zombies.
Logic Interference: At the office White Elephant party, you trade a movie date with hot Brad for a Scottish Woodland bath bomb you use to fantasize about snuggling with Outlander’s Jamie Fraser in an abandoned barn during a torrential downpour.
Addictive Behaviors: You swap sleepytime cocoa for imported rum and make late-night calls soliciting advice about altering your Netflix profile to improve your love life.
Flashbacks: You’re apprehended by mall security in a Vikings: Valhalla exhibit, taking selfies wearing a horned helmet and King Canute Lives t-shirt.
Social Isolation: You place a full-body mirror next to the couch so you can watch Frontier with someone who understands how perfect you are for hunky Hawaiian actor Jason Momoa.
Constipation, Diarrhea, and Other Digestive Issues: You’ve eaten five servings of red meat daily since first watching Frank, the butcher, wield his sword-like knife against a butt roast at the Shop Rite store three weeks ago.
Bad Breath and Body Odor: Your co-workers complain to the boss after you stop brushing your teeth and using deodorant as prep for meeting Uhtred of 16th Century Bebbanburg at the Atlanta Women’s Expo.
Unrealistic Expectations: You can’t relate to three-dimensional men with their imperfect noses, high foreheads, and exhausting “I-have-needs” attitudes that can’t possibly hold your attention for more than a single season.
