Humor
So, Is It Wrong to Steal a Loaf of Bread to Feed Your Starving Child?
(When the Student is Ready…)
OK, so, here goes — is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving child?
Yes, stealing is wrong.
Even if your child is starving?
Yes. Stealing is always wrong.
Even if your child will literally die without that bread?
Yes.
Even if the guy with the bread has plenty of bread?
Yes.
Even if the guy with the bread has plenty of bread and you asked him nicely?
Yes. Stealing is wrong.
Even if the guy with the bread has plenty of bread and you asked him nicely and you explained in a sufficient amount of detail about the starving child and he still won’t give you any?
Yes.
Even if the guy with the bread is taking some of his bread — the very bread that will save your child’s life — and stomping up and down on it while he knows you’re watching?
Yes, still wrong.
What if he pisses on it? And then gives you the finger?
Still wrong.
What if he offers you some bread and then, as you come to get it, he says “psyche” and pulls it back.
Still wrong.
What if he offers you some bread and then, as you come to get it, he says “psyche” and pulls it back, and then he stomps on it and pisses on it again?
Stealing is always wrong.
Fuck it, I’d still go and take some bread from the guy and feed my kid.
Good.
Good? I thought you said that stealing is always wrong?
Yes. Stealing is always wrong.
Wait. It’s wrong, but I should do it?
Yes. Life is….ambiguous.
Well then, what if when I steal the bread, before I go, I smack the guy in the head?
The stealing the bread part is wrong, but the smacking the guy in the head part is justified.
What? Stealing is wrong? But smacking the guy in the head is okay?
Yes. He wouldn’t give you any bread. Even though your kid is starving. And he had plenty. And he even pissed on it just for spite. What a douche.
Hmm. Okay. That helps. Thanks. Here’s your five bucks.
Thank you, just put it in the cup. Philosophy’s fun. I can help with Lit papers too. 14th century French poetry is my specialty. I also wash cars.
Are you really homeless?
That sounds like a new topic.
Okay, I’m gonna go now.
Sure, I’m at this corner every day. Tell your friends.
