Texas, You Can Pay Your Debt on Tuesday
Published in
2 min readNov 2, 2020
If Texas turns blue on [election] night, and its 38 electoral votes go to Biden, then Trump would have no viable path to victory, and the election would be over that night, before Trump’s lawyers can get through the courtroom doors to stop the vote counts in other states. -Beto O’Rourke and Tory Gavito, Washington Post, October 2020
Fellow Texans, it’s time we pay the country back, and here is how.
- For Dubbya
A mission accomplished: Texas Turned Blue. - For never shutting up about bluebonnets
One Biden vote for each wildflower we bragged about. - For all the freakin’ longhorns
Trump metaphorically skewered on the horns of Cornyn’s Cadillac. - For “Don’t Mess with Texas”
Yeah, yeah, it was an anti-littering campaign, but let’s all vote blue, just for the misunderstanding. - For the religion of football
Beto is our god now. - For all that secession bullshit
Secession? Are you kidding me? STFU and vote. - For Alex Jones
Conspire to silence that horrible human.
Can’t be done? Hand over the electorates, and America will call it even. - For our loud, loud voices
Trump’s concession speech in ASMR. - For all the guns
Open-carry Biden to victory. - For conversion therapy
Pray the red away. - For those Texas-sized cockroaches
A perfect “Welcome Home!” gift to Mar-A-Lago. - For excessive Texas pride
A humble offering of electoral votes. - For Whataburger fanatics
Admit it’s just a hamburger. Pair the admission with high urban voter turnout. - For money, money, money
Act Blue, Act Blue, Act Blue. - For every single thing about Lance
Doesn’t he owe the USPS some real work? 26 mph ballot delivery. - For breeding televangelists
A delicious election day surprise: Joel Osteen + Ivanka Trump sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. - WTF Astros?
Steal Trump signs instead. - For all the “We’re the biggest” braggadocio
Thirty-eight electoral votes, and we’re free to continue running our mouths in Colorado. - For Ted Cruz
Some things just can’t be forgiven.
