Satire
The Culinary Recreation Arts Program for 3-Star Hotel Breakfast Buffets
I hope you’re not hungry.
Thank you for your interest in the Culinary Recreation Arts Program (CRAP) for 3-star hotel breakfast buffets. At our prestigious school, you will learn cutting-edge techniques from semi-knowledgeable instructors who currently work in many of the mediocre kitchens found at your favorite budget hotels.
The only degree we offer at CRAP is a BA in Disappointing Breakfast Buffets. The entire program can be completed in six days.
Day 1: Health and Hygiene
Maintaining a healthy and sterile environment is the most important category that our annual government inspectors care about. Since most of our buffets are uncomfortably near the hotel’s pool, the chlorine’s scent alone will kill any airborne pathogens. And the tables, chairs, and floors never need much maintenance since the patrons who come in straight from the pool drip the bleached pool water all over them. Because regulations force us to include this part of the course, the only thing you’ll learn how to do is squeegee up the bleachy water from the floor, put it in spray bottles, and then give them to housekeeping.
Day 2: Weird Half-Moon Shaped Omelets
