The End of the Platform-Formerly-Known-as-Twitter: Found Extracts from a Survivor’s Diary

Truly those were dark days….

July 23, 2023

Woke to rumours that the name of the bird site will soon be changed to a single letter. Surely this can’t be true.

July 24, 2023

All is lost. The bird is dead. Thousands are fleeing ‘X’, the Platform-Formerly-Known-As-Twitter, which is now overrun with feeble jokes about how Musk is getting rid of the bird to ‘give us all the bird’. I can’t bear it.

[Updated entry: My god. Musk has now limited the number of DMs unverified users can send to one another. Rationing has begun.]

August 8, 2023

People are becoming desperate. Some have turned to Mastodon, hoping to find refuge in a new social media platform with an animal for a logo. They say it reminds them of the good old days, when Twitter was Twitter and tweets were tweets. I don’t care how cute the purple-blue pachyderm logo is — I have too much self-respect to move to a site that calls its posts ‘toots’. I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.

August 10, 2023

We have heard nothing from those who moved to Discord. They are presumed lost.

August 13, 2023

There may be still be hope. There is talk of another place, a new social media option with a logo that is almost the same blue as the Twitter bird logo used to be. Apparently, in the primitive language of its users it is called ‘Bloosk-eye’. Some former Twitter users who migrated there report that, compared to the bot-ridden hellscape that is X, Bloosk-eye is a haven of peace. There is apparently far less racism, misogyny, and transphobia there…or at least it’s less in-your-face, which sounds nice.

August 22, 2023

New rumours are circulating that claim Musk may remove headlines from links to news articles. Surely even he would never go that far?

September 5, 2023

The situation is now dire. People are starting to talk to one another. In person. Someone at work actually walked all the way over from his office to mine just to say hello. May God have mercy on us all.

September 18, 2023

It is said that people will not be able to get off the waitlist for Bloosk-eye for at least another year. Invite codes are now being used as currency. Some people are hoarding them in a last-ditch effort to go viral before X goes into subscription mode. Others are declaring that they don’t have the energy to move to another social media platform and would rather go down with the ship like that old couple in Titanic.

October 5, 2023

He did it. I can’t believe he went and did it. Musk has removed titles from articles on X. He thinks this ‘will greatly improve the esthetics [sic]’. Chaos reigns.

November 23, 2023

This year, I’m thankful for the fact that Musk has restored titles to articles posted on X. Users everywhere are rejoicing over their Thanksgiving turkey.

January 26, 2024

Taylor Swift fans have launched a counter-offensive against X users posting deepfake porn of the singer. For the first time in months, there is a glimmer of hope. Maybe the Swifties will save us.

March 1, 2024

Bloosk-eye has ditched the invite codes! Now anyone can join! Social media users are swarming the site like it’s Ellis Island in the 1890s!! Meanwhile, Musk has now given everyone the ability to call one another on X. Thanks, we hate it.

June 3, 2024

Apparently adult content is now permitted on X.

June 13, 2024

Apparently ‘likes’ are now private, presumably because of all the porn.

June 14, 2024

Screw this. I’m starting a blog.