They Said “Vote!” But I Thought They Said “Boat!” And Now I’m Lost At Sea
When I first heard the call to political boating, I figured we were going to storm the shores of DC, or fight proud boys with fists and fury… or at least have a kickass party in international waters, where I understand there are no laws. I may be in international waters currently, I have no way to tell because I have no fucking idea where I am.
I did think it was odd when everyone in my virtual political science class started chanting “Boat! Boat! Boat!” and in retrospect, it’s clear to me that they were saying “Vote.”
After class, I got ready for some nautical activism. I set out with my life jacket and paddles, and headed down to the marina. I was the first one there, and since I was going out to sea in a canoe, I decided to get a head start. Now I’m out here trying to catch fish with my bare hands and recycling my pee to make drinking water.
While I’m out here drifting at sea, wondering whether I’ll ever see land or people again, I have a lot of time to ponder our political situation. I would do anything to see the Trump administration go down in flames, but let’s not forget that this entire system is a racist hellscape. And sure, people say they’ll push Biden to the left, but how many of them will actually just slip comfortably back into complacen — OH FUCK IS THAT A SHARK
I’m not sure a canoe was the best choice of vessel for this situation. I may not even make it back to land in time to vote. Lucky for me I did bring some bottles, which I assumed I was going to use to throw Molotov cocktails at the cops or something, but instead I’ll use one to cast my vote. A vote in a bott — GODDAMN IT I CUT MY HAND ON THE BOTTLE AND THE SHARK SMELLS BLOOD OH GOD FUCK THIS CANOE
I’m just saying that I’m unhappy with the choices I have, which are to vote for a moderate, or be eaten alive, so to speak. And honestly, as long as the electoral college exists and candidates are allowed to steal elections, and voters are systematically disenfranchised and we continue to perpetuate greed and capitalism AH FUCK HERE WE GO I JUST HAVE TO HOPE THIS SHARK SWALLOWS ME WHOLE OH GODDAMN FUCK I HATE CANOES
I guess it’s appropriate that I’m lost at sea after assuming I was boating for justice. Do we not all fear the lurking sharks and krakens beneath the surface of our lives right now? Do we not all feel thirsty amidst a vast, cruel sea of undrinkable water? Are we not all slowly decomposing inside the body of a shark right now?
Those questions are literal. I’m speaking directly to others who have misunderstood “vote” to mean “boat” and are now lost at sea. But I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere.