Things I Don’t Want to Hear from My Hiking Group

We should consider hiking in silence.

Photo by Gail Gauthier

Things I Don’t Want to Hear at Trailheads

• “The beginning of a new trail is like the beginning of a new life! I saw that on Facebook.”
• “This is supposed to be an incredible hike when you consider it’s only 800 feet. I think it’s because it’s 800 feet straight up.”
• “This place is called Devil’s Kitchen. We should have thought a little more seriously about why someone would use the word devil in a trail name.”
• “Maybe the trail won’t be so overgrown further in. Maybe there will actually be a trail, since there is a sign by the parking lot that says trail.”
• “Whose idea was it to come here?”

Things I Don’t Want to Hear About Trail Maps

• “All we need is a map and courage! But mostly a map.”
• “Well, according to this map we’re going in the right direction. Though I do think we should have crossed another trail by now. Or maybe not. Let me study this thing a while longer. We’re in no hurry, right?”
• “I don’t think the people who made this know what a map is. Unless…they let their kid make it. Yeah, that must be what happened.”
• “Does the map say anything about this being a…