HUMOR

Improving Your Overall Tide Pod Consumption Experience: A Survey

Did you like Tide Pods or did they leave a bad taste in your mouth?

Looks so cute I could just eat it! (Erik Binggeser via Unsplash)

Dear valued customer,

Before we kick things off, we want to go on record and say that we condemn the act of challenging people to eat Tide Pods on social media. Did it lead to our most profitable quarter in company history? Sure. Is it the spark we need to salvage an otherwise disastrous fiscal year 2020? Maybe! Regardless, we are legally obligated to dissuade you from partaking in any and all challenges involving the physical consumption of Tide Pods. Our goal with this ordinary, regularly timed survey is to create the best laundry detergent pods we can. That is all.

Which statement best describes your feelings towards Tide Pods?

1. I have never heard of Tide Pods
2. Tide Pods make doing laundry easier
3. Tide Pods make my clothes feel new again
4. The adrenaline rush that comes with nearly poisoning myself from eating Tide Pods is unlike anything I’ve experienced

Tide Pods are entirely unsafe to eat.

1. Depends
2. Disagree
3. Define “entirely”
4. Define “unsafe”

If you saw a video of a friend eating a Tide Pod on social media, how would you react?

1. Smash that like button
2. Comment and share
3. Repost it
4. Recreate it

Totally unrelated, but which of the following hashtags do you prefer?

1. #TidePodChallenge2.0
2. #TidePodChallengeLives
3. #TheTideIsRising
4. #TasteTheTide

Would you be more or less likely to purchase Tide Pods if they came in a variety of delicious flavors… I mean, scents?

1. Yum!
2. Much more likely
3. More likely
4. Neutral but could be swayed

Circle the “scent” combination that sounds most delicious to you.

1. Mesquite BBQ with a hint of smoked paprika
2. Chocolate peanut butter with butterscotch swirl
3. Wasabi and ginger with a soy kick
4. Double Stuff: Original Tide Flavor with twice the bleach

I would be more likely to purchase Tide Pods if they were…

1. Gluten Free
2. Keto Friendly
3. Vegan
4. Made with no artificial colorants or preservatives

1 being not likely and 10 being very likely, how likely would you be to consume Tide Pods if we created a fun marketing campaign with talking animals? Hypothetical, of course!

1. 8
2. 9
3. 9.75
4. 10

Which of the following verbs do you most associate with Tide Pods?

1. Eat
2. Chew
3. Savor
4. Bite

To me, Tide Pods are the perfect…

1. Amuse bouche
2. Appetizer
3. Late-night snack
4. Dessert

To thank you for taking our survey, please claim your free, one-month’s supply of Tide Pods by visiting our brand new website, www.delicioustidepods.com.