Today’s Obituaries, Sponsored by Jimmy John’s

These people are so dead, you’ll freak!

Linda Connor

Linda, age 67, was a beloved wife, mother, and Jimmy John’s customer. Her favorite things were a #2 Big John® with extra mayo on Thick-Sliced Wheat bread, her husband, and her son — in that order.



Greener Pastures is a comedy and satire site run by a bunch of writers obsessed with out-writing, out-joking and out-funnying each other.

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Rachel Reyes

Rachel Reyes’s humor writing has appeared in McSweeney’s, Points in Case, Slackjaw, and elsewhere. Check out her work at