Top 10 Responses To Ordering A “Cup of Coffee” In A Brooklyn Coffeehouse

There’s a Starbucks a block away. Maybe you’d be more comfortable there?

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10. Okay, boomer. Bet you want milk from a tortured animal, you animal torturer.

9. We don’t have coffee drinks. Or cups. We sell only whole, unroasted beans…



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James Klein

James Klein


Writes humor and awkward bios. Top writer in satire. McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Points in Case, The Satirist, and others at