HUMOR
Top 10 Responses To Ordering A “Cup of Coffee” In A Brooklyn Coffeehouse
There’s a Starbucks a block away. Maybe you’d be more comfortable there?
10. Okay, boomer. Bet you want milk from a tortured animal, you animal torturer.
9. We don’t have coffee drinks. Or cups. We sell only whole, unroasted beans that have passed through the digestive tract of a wild marmot, packed in reusable nut-fiber bags that you should’ve bought a month ago, because we’re out of nut-fiber bags. And coffee.
8. That’s it, I’m quitting to start my DIY macramé YouTube channel!
7. No problem, just select one of our eighty-nine types of coffee, and one-hundred and twelve ways to prepare it. We have thirty-six kinds of milk as well, including flax milk, pea milk, and potato milk. That choice will be easy, as we’re out of everything except potato milk.
6. Right away, SIR! I know how precious your time is, because you’ve exploited enough people to create a lopsided power dynamic under the cruel conditions of late-stage capitalism! Would you like to try our new almond latte?
5. Certainly, what size? We have minionetto and minionetta, as well as midionetto and midionetta. If you want something smaller than that, or…
