Humor
United Nations Climate Panel Wonders If You Give a Shit
Tell us what will make you dickheads do something
“The climate time-bomb is ticking,” said António Guterres, Secretary-General of the United Nations, in a statement to mark the launch of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change’s synthesis report on Monday. “Humanity is on thin ice — and that ice is melting fast,” he added. — The New York Times, March 20, 2023
We’re the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. Sound familiar? It should, because we’ve already been up in your shit with five previous reports you asswipes ignored.
You’ve read our dire warnings and decided to take the bold step of doing fuck-all. Some of you even called us “alarmist,” but it turns out we underestimated the rate of climate change, you dickwads.
It gets harder every time we produce one of these things, knowing you fuckwits have stopped listening. Maybe we screwed up by giving the new report such a boring-ass title: “Synthesis Report of the Sixth Assessment Report.” What do you want — we’re a bunch of technocratic nerds. Now that we’ve seen your collective shrug, we should have called it, “Code Red Primal Hell-Scream of Suicidal Clusterfuckery.”
