Humor
You Made Fun of My Etsy Soap, So I Saved the World, Bitch
Now I’ll spend the rest of my life crafting handmade soaps that will make you rue that day.
Some dreams are small. Some dreams are dumb. My dreams are neither. After MegaCraftHoe6969 posted a review that my soaps looked like, “Leatherface’s butthole,” I had to figure out what that reference meant. When I did, I knew the only way to exact my revenge would be to make the best goddamn soaps this world had ever sudsed. Today on Global Handwashing Day, I’m going to show the world what soap dominance looks like.
I should let any up-and-coming “soap-trepreneurs” know that it took a lot of work and rage to make it into the *Global Community of Cleanliness Awareness Warriors (GCCAW). No one just gives you an Etsy store — you have to register a unique name — and then take it.
I spent days, hours, possibly even years scouring people’s Etsy stores to figure out how to set my soaps apart. The variety of scents, colors, and mostly just those two those things, was astounding — where do I fit in with my fugly sud children?! One night, I collapsed onto my grandma’s couch in tears because I thought I made a mistake, and because her ancient couch literally snapped in half. As I was recovering from my concussion in the…
