Humor

You’re a Customer Service Agent, Not an Individual

We’ll have to fire you if you keep delighting the customers and refuse to be a corporate clog

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

Diner Under a Dollar (or DUD) is a restaurant chain that prides itself on fast, efficient, okay service. It is a huge corporation where the atmosphere of its locations is family friendly, manufactured and shallow. Every meal is synthetic crap that tries to pass itself off as homemade, and every employee gives their utmost forced smile. New hire, Ollie, doesn’t seem to understand that we aren’t going for excellence.

EMPLOYEE PROFILE: Ollie Overzel

OVERVIEW: You’ve been at our corporate eatery for almost three months, and in your ninety-day evaluation, I must point out that your service is not what we expect from low ranking employees of a major corporation — it’s simply too exemplary.

I hope you will understand that we expect our employees to give customers just above terrible service. As such, I’ve attached excerpts from your employee profile in the hopes that you will learn your lesson and work harder to be unremarkable.

April 28th (Unauthorized promptness)

Ollie clocked in far too early, before even the managers. We expect employees to clock…